My day begins at dawn. I’ve always been an early riser. Lying in is for wimps. After breakfast, arguably the best meal of the day, I set off for the office. It’s not a long commute, though sometimes there are distractions en-route. Those squirrels really need to be shown some discipline, dashing around all over the place, making a mess. I give them a run for their money and show them who’s boss whenever I have time.

Once in the office I go on my rounds. I make close-up inspections of the equipment to check all is functioning properly and keep a close eye on the workers to see that all are pulling their weight. I can’t abide slackness. My management style may appear laid back, some might even say aloof, but I am vigilant and my powers of observation are superb. Nothing gets past me.

I like to take power naps during the day. I find these far more effective than coffee, which I never touch, although I am occasionally partial to tea. When napping I don’t like to be disturbed. My staff know this and, wisely, tend to leave me alone.

Away from the office, I have a few hobbies. I enjoy the great outdoors, especially in the warm weather. As well as those troublesome squirrels I have to contend with pheasants – I like to make them squawk, ducks, which I find rather silly, and mice, which sometimes try to give me the run around. I have my own method of ‘dealing’ with them, which some find distasteful but is undeniably effective. And rather fun. For me. Which leads me to another love – food. My favourite meals are breakfast, lunch and dinner. I am not interested nor do I get involved in food preparation. All my meals are handed to me on a plate, or in a bowl, which is how it should be. I am very good at eating. In fact it would be true to say that I am very good at everything I do.

My hours of work are not regular. Sometimes I don’t set foot in the office for days on end and at other times I am there all day, every day for a week. I set my own agenda. I don’t have a contract and don’t get paid. Not a bean. This does not mean I am unappreciated, though few staff have any inkling of my true standing. In fact, some of them don’t even realise I am the boss!

sooty

I am Sooty, the office cat!